Happiness is often understood as something given, not grown. We live in a world where validation is found externally: shown with recognition, status, and loyalty. But happiness is not a gift or a prize, it’s a language we learn to speak with ourselves.

Let’s take a very simple example: a slice of pizza. What defines whether that slice is joyful or miserable? To a hungry child, a slice of pizza is heaven; to royalty, the same meal is a massive disappointment. It’s clearly not the food itself that’s generating happiness, but the story of the person eating it. Our mind decides what’s best for it: what is good, what is lacking, and what is enough. Within this framework - between the experience and interpretation - our happiness is either built or broken.

There’s a quiet clarity in recognizing that happiness is ultimately self-determined. Yes, the world can often offer us a spark or methodology, but if it doesn’t light the flame of happiness inside, we remain in the dark forever. Without examining what joy means to us personally, we end up chasing illusions built by others, carrying dreams that don’t belong to us.

This is the first, most important layer to happiness: a silent relationship with one’s self. Without internal happiness, other happiness cannot flow - as we cannot accept or decline anything that we don’t already perceive about our own happiness. So we move along the world, trying to grasp what happiness we can, sometimes even spreading it to others. But, happiness is like a well of water - we can only give that which we have. If we try to give happiness with an empty well, we become dependent upon others. It is only when one is grounded in their own joy can they truly share it without losing themselves in the process.

The second layer of happiness is the interpersonal: making other people happy. This is a noble pursuit, but an extremely fragile one. When others’ happiness begins to cost us our sense of self, it no longer serves either party. Connection thrives in the space where both individuals are whole, not where one happiness is a sacrifice. And often, the best interpersonal relationships are those where happiness is as a mutual goal: rather than sacrifice. In these cases, the act of creating happiness is seen as necessary rather than forceful. In contrast, unhealthy relationships mistake happiness for people-pleasing, and confuse approval with love. This leads to misunderstanding, mistrust, and eventually, hate.

The final layer of happiness is societal, shaped by status, wealth, and network. Of all of the layers, it is the hardest to avoid because our livelihoods depend on it. Having friends, pursuing a job, even the people you see everyday determine your societal happiness. It may be easier to refer to this type of fulfillment as environmental happiness, due to its scope. If we become too entangled in society’s definition of happiness, we lose the thread of our own - after all, what control can we exert on society, or our environment, as a whole? Following this scope causes us to find things that exhaust us but benefit society, and follow pursuits that were asked of us, instead of pursuits that fulfilled us in the first place.

Defining the layers of happiness does not achieve it for ourselves. The real question lies in how we choose to achieve all three - personal, relational, and societal - and what we’re willing to give up to obtain them. How do we choose to prioritize our happiness? Once we’ve achieved personal happiness, what comes next? And in which order?

These are the fundamental questions we must ask ourselves to understand what we truly need. There will be times when joy demands sacrifice, and times where doing what we need will be misunderstood. But happiness born from authenticity is resilient. Understanding what we value requires time and courage - especially when it’s inconvenient and lonely.

We may not live a perfect life, but we can surely live a meaningful one. The more honest we are with ourselves, the closer we come to achieving our true happiness. It’s not about waiting, but acting. So, what are you waiting for? Find your true happiness - and don’t let anyone else come in the way of it.